There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
