Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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