omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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