so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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