I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
