i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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