I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
