I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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