just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
