I accidentally had phone sex last night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
