Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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