some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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