if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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