it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
