I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
