yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
