im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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