Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
