Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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