Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
