I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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