You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
