So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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