Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
