I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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