Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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