I just saw a hot homeless man
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
