The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
