What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
