My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
