The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
