I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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