Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
