you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
