he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
