I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
