I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
