Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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