I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
