Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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