hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
