About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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