I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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