WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
