I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
