Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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