im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
