Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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