she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
