Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
