so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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