This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
