the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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