Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't deserve a penis
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
