Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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