My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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