I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
