I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
