OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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