Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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