Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
