Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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