and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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