I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
