dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
