My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
