Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
