Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
